Just my thoughts

:)

2011-09-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

Its been such a beautiful day! Sunrays streaming in, flowers on the table and in the garden, greenery outside. Peaceful,content and happy, a luxury many I hope can have too. :)

Spirit

2011-04-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

If spirit is peace then that I shall strive to feel
If spirit is breath then I beathe I will
If spirit is love then love I will give
If spirit is selfnesness then that I will strive to be
If spirit is presence then I am present now
If spirit is forgiveness then forgiveness I shall try to give myself
If spirit is not envious then envy I shall not have
If spirit is one, then pieces I will try and gather to make whole

Anonymous

2010-12-30T02:37:00.001-08:00

Her heart felt empty and choked
Her outer voice quiet, her inner in turmoil
Her doubts rising
Her questions muted
Her thoughts , her other voice
Her tears her secret
Her smile unconditional
Her words perfected
Her hands outstretched
Her faith her hope

My Heaven

2010-11-13T06:34:00.000-08:00

If there is a heaven, I think it's pink, white, and light blue. I think it will be like castles up in the clouds. The air would be light and pure. The smiles everlasting, the faces familliar. There would be no concept of time just the present and presence. There would be sun rays flowing seamlessly all time. There would be an eternity of togertheness with our loved ones, where we would not have to worry about loosing eachother anymore. We would hold our hands and be this way forever.

A bed of pancakes and French toast

2010-10-20T06:33:00.000-07:00

That’s what I call the month of Aug to September when my parents visited. I say this because that’s what my mother made for me for breakfast everyday before I left for work. Right after my shower at about 630a.m I could hear the sounds of pots and pans in the kitchen and then I know my mother was up. ( needless to say I did tell her to just get her beauty sleep and not worry about me, but I guess that’s what mothers are made of- homemade pancakes and lots of love! The best there ever is!)

I would then rush with my routine of makeup, drying my hair etc to just get those precious ten minutes or fifteen minutes to sit with her at the dining table with the warm breakfast and tea she had laid out for me. (rush since my bus was at 715 am every morning and it was always a challenge to reach it on time!) So if I was lucky and on time we would sit and my mother would watch me devour her breakfast, then we would just talk about how it was like a dream to sit this way and be together. (normally others realize it much later , but I am lucky to realize this now, and that perhaps makes it more difficult sometimes because I get reminded that this can be ephemeral)

In the evenings, my father and mother would have both prepared a hot nice dinner for us. Everything seems to taste hundred times better when it is made by parents, like they say the secret ingredient must be love! It is so easy to get used to the comfort of family around all the time, isn’t it?

Hence I thought a bed of pancakes and French toast would be apt for the past month, that’s what it has been, sweet, comforting and most of all homely :)

( written around September or october 2010 sometime)

Judgmental? not me :)

2010-10-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

It’s very difficult for me to be openly judgmental, and I have accepted the fact that that is the way I am, with no complaints at all. I prefer to judge within myself but be diplomatic on the outside. It’s not because I am trying to lie, or make people have a good impression of me. It’s just that I somehow just see good in everyone. It’s not so hard because no one is perfect, and people don’t like getting hurt. So why do something to another when you wouldn’t want it to be done to you?

Yes, I agree I would never make a good ‘typical’ politician, business women, or anything that requires criticism, judgment. Sometimes we are tuned to think that we need to judge, criticize to survive in this ‘tough’ world. But that’s the irony, the word only becomes ‘tougher’ and more ‘pessimistic’ when we approach it that way. The world can be different through the same pair of eyes if we just ‘tuned’ our thoughts in another direction.

( Written on 2. June 2010, 09:54:44)

Colors

2010-06-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

I love colors. I don’t have a favorite, but I do like yellows, reds, blues, and the blends of many more colors I cannot possibly describe, like the color of dawn and dusk, or the dark yet mystic color on a very cloudy day with an impending storm.

The list is just endless.

Unfinished posts

2010-06-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

I just looked through my blog and realized that I have many posts that are still in draft version and not yet published, and now am not even sure I will publish them just because I feel its rather old, and perhaps I dont really feel the same...or just dont know how to continue where I left off :)

Family

2010-03-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

My happiness depends on those around me, especially my family (this includes my husband of course:)). If my family is unhappy and not at peace at any time I get affected too, and that too every minute of my day would be immersed in unpleasant thoughts.

So I always pray and for the peace and happiness for them even if it means taking something away from me, because I know that that would be worth it a million, zillion times.

Wednesday, 10th June

2009-06-10T03:50:00.000-07:00

Its cloudy outside my window,another mid week. Time does go by rather fast.Am trying to dream in my sleep and be present when I wake up. Its tougher than I thought, its not as easy as they say it is.

Mindgames

2009-06-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a mind can wander dangerously, it’s almost like you have to grab it, keep it safe, nourish it with what’s good so you can be safe too. Sometimes I think the mind is like a another 'you.'

Anne Frank House

2009-06-09T07:53:00.001-07:00

I visited the Anne Frank house on 8th June 2009 in Amsterdam with Rune. It was a moving experience that makes me write this. I came to work and all I could do was read more on Anne Frank, her father Otto Frank and her friends, mother, Sister etc. (Wikipedia) Such a sad story, perhaps because she died so young with so much dreams and hope. And then I realized if she never did die and her diary was published, perhaps it would not make the impact it is making now over 60 years.

It’s almost like God chose her to represent others who perhaps have gone through more. Rune and I walked through her and her families rooms, and her bedroom wall still adorns pictures that she stuck to make it more colorful and hopeful. Pictures of actors and actresses she admired and photos. It is really amazing that something as simple as that could be preserved and means so much. It tells a small part of a girl’s story that means much more. Its like picturing her there in that room, putting up her pictures and writing her diary.

In a way she reminded me of me,( not at all referring to any suffering bit in this case) But I used to write a diary, had big dreams as a child, loved to write. Though what I wrote even though wanted to be private it really never was. My private thoughts were in my head and remained there. But Anne Frank wrote her innermost thoughts in her diary with no fear. I guess that shows fearless character too? And she will always be remembered as a young, pretty, and an innocent girl forever more than what she probably wished for...

Spring flowers and smells

2009-06-02T02:00:00.001-07:00

Its Tuesday morning and am at work, I was actually in the middle of some small work when I realized I have'nt posted for a while ( hmmm starting to sound cliched am sure)

Well yes, I did get a job finally! and I love it! wow are'nt I lucky to say something like that? Sometimes I cant believe that I managed to do the things I am doing right now, like doing the work I never thought I would be able to do, yet doing it now, being the person I am today and just doing the things I do daily.

Well its spring now in Norway and its so beautiful, yesterday my husband and I went for a walk ( after my run ;) ) at past 1030 and returned past 1130 pm! The flowers in spring are so beautiful, the smells so wonderful. Its like a miracle to see the flowers bloom after the long winters.

I then thought of my parents,brother and sister in law and thought they would love to see the flowers and just enjoy the beautiful nature perhaps even more than me!Well am glad they saw it at least once for now.

hmmmm lunch time now!

Great pretender

2009-01-17T07:24:00.000-08:00

Didnt Freddy Mercury write a famous song called 'The great pretender?' I guess i really never cared for the song before, but now i know why it may have become famous....

Am not too late am i?

2009-01-15T07:01:00.000-08:00

I forgot to write about winter and Christmas and New year... well actually i didnt forget, i was just plain lazy! Not that i even have work at the moment :)

Well its still winter now so i guess i can make up, the sun is setting a bit later though, i understand we gain six minutes more every day from twenty-first of december onwards. Apparently the earth tilts, and this is what causes the seasons. Did you know that? well i didnt! And neither did i know i would be checking the weather everysingle day on yahoo to make sure the weather will be right tomorrow so that i can plan my runs,my day! :)

Well its Thursday today, the sun is almost gone but i can still see our very beautiful Balcony Christmas lights outside. ( I guess i should remove them by now, well i have the excuse its not yet the end of January!)

Cant believe its 2009! I hope this year goes slow, everything went by so fast last year, i almost wish i had a time machine to rewind all of it. But that's why cliches are so true arent they.

Well hope everyone has a wonderful year ahead! I definitley will try my best to make it special too! But right now i really think i should stick to my promise of finishing the book i was supposed to long back :)

My first 'snow!'

2008-10-30T04:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my husband woke me up saying i can make myself some hot cocoa and watch Oprah since it was snowing outside! and it was a really beautiful site i must say! So I couldnt stay in bed longer because the slight glimpse through the curtains made me so curious that i jumped out of bed and pierced my eyes through the clear windows.

This felt like my first 'snow' experience( though i did see it last year many times, this felt different:) ) From our window i could see just white capped rooftops and grass and floors covered in snow, and there seemed like so much light outside!So i contemplated going for my run in the snow, and i must say i loved it! Wasnt too easy though since i really couldnt see where i was running, but the sight was beautiful and it felt so sureal:)

Well today is the second day of perhaps official winter in my new home/country, there are some slight showers outside and of course the snow remains covering the rooftops and the earth below.

How True....

2008-10-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

With the music on :)

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/

http://www.pathways-to-peace.com/

My view today

2008-10-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

I did'nt remember how pretty autumn colors could be!There is dark red,orange,saffron,yellow,brown,green!So it does look like a postcard except this time its outside my window. The rains are pouring now and i can see the slight hint of the sun behind the white clouds.The trees seem to be cheering the rainfall by fluttering their leaves in the wind. I guess that leaves me with no excuses about the weather, like they say its all in your mind how good it can be :)

A Spoon of Faith

2008-09-25T04:13:00.000-07:00

Am thanking God today for answering my prayers, i need to capture the moment and remember it again. Its wonderful how smallest things can enlighten you, It could just be a book and spoonfull of faith :)

And almost everything is about now.

Modified Excerpts from 'A new earth'

2008-09-22T12:34:00.000-07:00

I read Eckhart Tole 'A new Earth' the other week,and even though most of the things were very intense and maybe things i am yet to experience, it was defintley a wonderful book. Eckhart has really written the book with genuine conviction. I remember writing few things i wanted to go through on my post it notes, maybe it may 'awaken' you as well as it almost did to me :)

The below sentences are not exact quotes,or sentences but have the content from the book.Hope it will convey the meaning,as that is the only purpose.

Live in the present,everything you do takes time but it is always now

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acceptance,enjoyment,enthusiam are the three most important steps to awaken yourself,you dont need all three at the same time but start with one at least

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When in sadness,unhappiness,stress or other simillar emotions, accept that 'this' is how you feel now and DONT try change that. Trying to change the situation at that moment when you cant will only create more unhappiness,stress,or the emotion you are feeling.

Accepting that state generates a space around that feeling and makes you feel better,it doesnt neccessarily have to solve your problems

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We all have an inner purpose and an outer purpose
Inner purpose-primary
outer purpose-secondary

Inner purpose is awakening within yourself,living in the present,and feeling your consciousness
Outer purpose are the actions you do.

We need to achieve our inner purpose first to take on our outer purpose

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesus said 'I myself cannot do this'

He also said 'In your prayers believe that you have received what you have asked for and it shall be yours'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The means are as important as the end, suffering caused my the means to reach your end will only cause more unhappiness to the end

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Create gaps in your thoughts, free your mind of constant thoughts to be present and awakened

9.33 pm on my dining table

2008-09-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

I seem to be most poetic and creative when am almost asleep. The other night i created a poem with my exact thoughts and thought i can pen them down today.This morning i woke up and i dont even remember one sentence. But the funny thing was that it was something i have wanted to write about a long time but didnt have the words. hmmm funny i still dont have them!

Just 42 minutes left

2008-09-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

Its 11.18pm and i have just 42 min left of me being 26 ever again!I suddenly feel am getting older than i ever imagined i would be. Now it just seems years will come and go :) So i need to really live in these last few minutes since i will never be 26 again.

And i know i will say the same when 27 comes to an end next year :)

My New Template

2008-09-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

I finally changed my blog template here, this is actually much better :)

Well Sunday today, i had my birthday party yesterday ( well few days in advance)Rune wanted to arrange something for me here,was fun! He baked a mocha cake for me and made cocktails!He is so adorable! I got 2 books,3 plants,a pink winter scarf and a gift card from body shop as gifts, nice huh? That means i have more to read now!

Well its a cloudy day today,but like they say i can always change the weather in my mind. so maybe cloudy can be nice too.I can hear the dishwasher noise in the background and see my plants on the dining table. so pretty!And of course my husband is playing his much awaited sunday computer games in his 'computer' room.

So maybe i should go back to reading my book, or maybe ill do it after a while ;)

Everyday these days

2008-09-12T04:17:00.000-07:00

The white candle burns on my table
I draw the curtains to let the light in
I can see a slight breeze outside,and the grey clouds
Hovering and blanketing the sun so stubbornly

I see the trees so green,and some red houses too
A path out my window as though it was leading to the stormy clouds
Then the sun rays escape the clouds,but just for a little while
Only to be embraced by the clouds again.

I can hear the silence,and feel the stillness
I picture things and faces thousands of miles away
I see the past so clear like a dream
But i also feel a presence like a bigger dream

The candle still burns
The clouds and the sun still play
I look out the window and smile knowing
This is my view everyday,a fairy tale outside my window

Dreams

2008-09-12T03:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever baked cakes in Heaven? well i have,on the greenest hillside and the sun was so pure and near. It was just the other day,really.

I confess! :)

2008-07-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

I need to write this. I am married now!! yup married to my very wonderful husband Rune Ellingsen :) our wedding was like a fairy tale. i am saying this now so when i read this many years down the lane i can remember the 2 weeks before and the day of our wedding,our familly around,our wonderful friends,the wonderful weather,the cake shopping,boquet shopping,wedding gifts,the speeches at the wedding and of course my wonderful handsome husband :)

Now here i am in Norway, a place i never dreamt i would be. a beautiful country,with nice people. We have a very nice cozy apartment, mustard colored walls in the drawing room,and creme in the kitchen, with the wonderful wooden floors.

Its almost been 1.5 weeks from our wedding which was on 28th June 2008 in Ullern church Oslo.and how i wish i could rewind that day!

yup i cant believe i am married, i never thought i would be grown up enough to be here today, but i am, and its still sinking in, that i am married to my wonderful handsome,loving and sexy Norwegian man thousand miles away from India and he is sitting right next to me on our cozy sofa set here in Oslo:)

Enjoy the Sun its Sunset

2008-02-17T21:56:00.000-08:00

Its such a pretty day today, and i suddenly realised how lucky i am :) i have a wonderful people in my life :) and i am really lucky to have some one in particular right now in my life now whom ill mention more about later :) cause learnt so much from and most important how nice it is to just relax and enjoy the sun. simple things are really perfect :)

So dont forget to push your chair out on the balcony and enjoy the sunset, it is really worth it.

Just Wondering

2007-11-21T21:52:00.001-08:00

The past few days have given me time to think about everyday thoughts perhaps, things like, ‘does everything have to be fair all the time for people to be content/happy? Or do things just have to ‘look’ like they are fair? Why do some have to go through sadness, depravity, inequality and pain when they have no past that justifies the same? Why do I have the better things just because my parents/ancestors slaved for my well being? Does this mean the good I get now will be a reason for my next generation to go through un-pleasurable times?

So what really is right and what really is wrong? Who am I to complain about anything at all when some have never known what it is like to have a choice? Why is it that so much easily makes us unhappy, and so little for others a reason for their contentment?

I should not want anything, because like a saying I once read said something like this, ‘No material possessions in this world are mine, I did not bring anything when I came into this world, so why should I feel sad when what I have lost what was never mine?’ So is it possible to not want anything? It must be, even if not perhaps I can cherish the thought of the extra I can have but still be happy with what God has given me today. Because the bible also says ‘Christ lives in you and me,’ and don’t be forsaken when things go wrong’

Well I guess not everything is meant to be seen as ‘fair,’ or ‘right’ and ‘wrong,’ Perhaps its perception that matters and how I as an individual come to terms with what i can have, cannot have and can have. Maybe it’s the constant striving for equality that makes me always think that I’ll feel things to be fair sometime, perhaps acceptance would much rather work than this constant endeavor of wonder and ambiguity. Yet am human and that’s not easy 

My cable went off

2007-05-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

Been a while since i visited my page , let alone others. Not sure what i need to write, but i was just glancing through what i wrote months,years back and realised that having this was/is actually the best way to picturize things i did,thoughts i had,and emotions i felt in the past.

Well its been raining today,and the weather is perfect. i managed to work about 6 hours straight without realising i was actually working. good huh? ;)then i decided to get some dinner and watch 'law & order SVU' and at the climax my cable just went off. typical!well so here i am.

Now i guess ill just jump into bed,and am so so looking forwad to it. (ironies of life- cause when i was a kid i would think sleeping is a waste of time, and now i think its probably the best way to spend time) seriously! Not that am some depressed soul that wants to 'not think' and wanted to 'forget' by going to slumber,but i think its just the most magical way to just not be in the present,past or future..and for people to wonder what peace of mind or freedom means well here you have it.

Tangentially, this reminded me that people live everyday upto what they really believe in is 'ideal,' am not sure what my core beliefs are today, but i see blind faith as one of them,and the belief in 'letting go' things you cant control. It is pretty interesting, because once you have faith in anything/anyone, letting go of uncontrollable /controllable situations become easier,and once we do that its really amazing to realize the sense of mental freedom and peace of mind.

But you might argue with me and say these are excuses for those who give up and stop trying. well it just depends, like now i'd like to say 'no',since i need to carve the perception of what this piece was intended to be understood as when/if read. :)

Quote for 2007

2006-12-30T02:34:00.000-08:00

A new year.....not too sure if i need to make any resolutions. Thats really become a cliched word now. whats the point if resolutions dont last? :)
Well this time i think id rather just 'run' through the year,but make sure i run through if not the 'perfect' but the 'right' path.I think the training from the last year should do me good this year!

I Am trying to think of a perfect qoute that can last me probably longer than ANY resolution i attempt to make,what should i go by?
Well i think the best & most important would be :

'Its all about now,today,what you plan for tommorrow should not take up more than 1/4ths of today.'

Is that easy to remmemeber?

Now

2006-07-11T04:56:00.000-07:00

Eyes wide open and wanting to shut
Senses there but unable to know
Want to walk but dont know where
Know what i want but how much do i know
Wonderful choices but heavy aches
How to let go of whats meant the most
Need to stop hopes, future is now

Da Vinci or Religious unsurety?

2006-05-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

The current expose on the agitations of obstructing the screening of 'da vinci code' has just in PLAIN words- IRRITATED the hell out of me. What in the world were people doing when the book was released in the market in the first place?? and factually being a very 'religious' country we should not forget how 'conservative' we tend to be, and being conservative does NOT always mean -' being/doing the right thing.'

Why cant people just look at at this as just another creative piece of art? Is our faith and beliefs so volatile to be shattered by an extremely intelligent creative author and couple of celluloid marketeers?There are some who would even think its a 'mockery' on Jesus and the christian faith. for Christsakes!!

Then what about all the other things this world mocks- and really mocks about?What about how discriminated some people must feel when depicted (in book & celluloid) based on their racial segregation?? Shouldnt we expect some more noise then? I guess this whole thing called 'art' 'creativity' should be thrwon down the drains.Depiction is very subjective, the book is just a extremely descriptive insight on how new discoveries were made contrary what was believed in the christian faith. Did anyone say it was the truth?did anyone here really think the author would have had the pleasure of having a bestseller if he ever 'mocked' at a practiced faith??

If the fear is that the book can 'sway' peoples minds-and lead to contrarian beliefs,then isnt that where faith and beliefs are actually tested? So what if the book is even true? does that make God/religion less pure?Does that nullify the fact that Jesus did what was the best for mankind?Does that nullify his teachings that we still practice till date?

I think we really need to grow up before we jump and join the bandwagon, i am very religious,and after all this controversy i realize my faith and belief is much stronger and powerfull than a couple of dimwits who try and perpetuate otherwise( no offence meant).

If something as subjective as this can lead to so much uproar, do you expect to bring 'autocratic' consensus by enforcing classroom mentality?

God save YOU. Dont try vice-versa- he really doesnt need it

Y-U-C-K

2006-05-18T03:22:00.000-07:00

Discover, develope,and intergrate--------- thats the most recent line i read. Yup- errr if your wondering its just some doc on technology. SOA to be exact. i promise it translates to 'sleeping over antibiotics' and not 'service oriented architecture' :D

And now the bangalore infrastructure seems to be going literaly down the bloody drains and am stuck here in office since those yellow beetlebums decided to say 'yes' and 'no' to where they need to go!! siggggggh the struggles of the indian middle-class society!! whatever that means these days, all i hear is noveaux riche blah blah.When am stuck with a SLK image running on smooth roads to the penthouse thats stretched really really far. haha i actually do sound funny. I mean whatever happened to the black market scandals,and all the highs and lows of the stock market> and these crazy real estate prices? I mean it can be so hilarious i could laugh of my non-existent bean bag. *( note 'non' existent bean bag there)- even that seems tagged! yuck- yup Y-U-C-K.

The bean bag really struck me now, not the roads,not the SLK- i just want a BEAN BAG!!!

Blind Believer?

2006-05-15T03:59:00.001-07:00

I realized few days back- how strong and peaceful i can be, if i had faith,and let go off the things i worried about. Was i just too helpless to keep fighting that i succumbed to the 'so called' faith by surrendering my thoughts to God? Or was it just too comforting to think that God being ethereal,omnipotent and 'wanting' only the best for me- would give me the outcome i deserved?

And if what i get would not be what i want, would i be happy,content and not fight otherwise thinking that this is what God wants for me?I dont know. maybe i would just keep asking and praying. maybe i would just cling to that hope and realize that the present is the way God want things for me to be for now. The question is how will we ever know? We wont- thats why i/we call it 'faith' and others call it 'blind belief.'Blind- but strong, so strong that just that faith would let you be stronger than any other person,maybe so strong that you wont realize you were weak and needed some help. So strong that just a belief can let you live and not endure.

Thats the way life ought to be, not one of endurance,but of personal peace.Not one of constant survival but that of blind faith.Thats when you realize how important it is to 'let go' and keep walking.That way you can run ahead blindly but still see things so clear , and also feel proud to look back. thats also when you realize you dont need to fight to be strong but just to have the faith.

A small word,with a huge history.A small word, that just needs belief.
FAITH

What Is?

2006-04-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

Ephemeral,
Night or day
bad or good

Real,
Reality

Instinct,
Priceless
unexpected

Childhood,
Evovling

Inspiration,
Enlightenment

Life,
Letting go

Purpose Behind My Run

2006-03-28T00:06:00.000-08:00

Wasnt it simpler when we just had to run and not think of what happened when we stopped?
thats what i was thinking when i went for my 'oh so rejuvenating run as always.....' (am addicted to it...did i mention this before...?)

Yeah so i wake up in the morning(wee hours;) ) and its so good to see there are others who actually feel the need to keep up with their target in mind-the one of beating your age/appetite/gluttony/fetish/......etc. So i do my rounds and then stumble across so many others(well not too many) who would be walking their dogs,or doing their run as well.Then i think about how different my run would be from theirs-(please read *run as- 'run of habit')

You must understand that all this hard-of course enjoyable 'work' (self justification you see...) gives me not even an excuse but a reason to heavily sin at my dessert rendevous every once in a while.Of course nothing comes easy in life- so dont even expect me to sit on my a** and wish my craving would go away,or promise myself i would JUSt have ONE bite.-nope thats not me.I would rather have a second helping and then do an extra few min the next day!

Anyway,so thats 'exercise for thought,and l'il Sugga for the worn limbs'

Seems like my i have a sudden halo over my head, lets just not tell anyone about the hidden horns!!Cause am frankly yet to find them.

( what? the halo or the horns?)

'running of'

tumbleweed

2006-03-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

Is there reality to a fairy tale, and fantasy to reality?
Does utopia exist only in thought and frugality on the contrary ?
Do split second decisions make a difference over the expanse of time?
What comes first in business-competition,profit,or ideas?
Do inventions happen because we need them?
How often is frequent,and how nascent is the start?
If there is destiny & fate-why would you choose either?

Balance

2006-02-17T04:58:00.001-08:00

A thousand things happened few days/weeks back. In multiples of any digits you can probably think of. the funny thing is when i thought of posting it on this page, i cant seem to think of any- the only word that comes to my mind right now is 'BALANCE.'

Thats what the whole world is about-personaly,politically and professionally. If you can live your life with this simple rule, i think many things would be easier to overcome. of course 'balance' with 'patience/willpower.'

Its the most challenging part of life. we/i need to look at the past,present and future and balance not just our priorities but those who are affected by any of our outcomes.We sometimes live life aloof hoping we can subconsciously let go of this 'default' obligation to ourselves and in turn others.Reality is much different-the human economics is too futuristic and complicated to let go of this in every detail of our daily lives.

Its constant fight that once you master seems to fit just like a glove,once you realize these situations and balance your true life everyday you may think you can extend this and take a bigger risk.Dont. Balance your intentions,responsibilities with true and RIGHT intentions.No underlying negative connotations-only optimism ... Its like the circle of our lives- we need to rememeber our past,practice our aquired knowledge in the present for a balanced-symbiotic future.

Next time you're at a crossroad-balance your thoughts and be patient.Life wont be perfect but worth the wait and worry.

LMAO :D

2006-01-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

Excerpt of an interesting 'conversation' i had at work via email:

R: http://www.thedailywtf.com/forums/57295/ShowPost.aspx

Me:eeeek- i have the same sentiment 'WTF?' i cudnt understand a single line of code there-dont code remember?never learnt it either- unless he wasnt suppose to write all that line of code :P------------>>>>>>>

R:nope it was some of the sarcasm in the replies that u missed

ME:nope didnt miss that- read them :)

R:as i always say u miss stuff just below ur nose.

.
.
.
.
.
.
must b because it so big :-D

ME:LMAO-hate to admit it.errr thought my eyes were bigger :(

R:that's larger than ur nose

ME:so shouldnt i be able to see beyond my smaller than eyes nose??

confused

R:what's lmao?

ME:that was 3 conversations ago-now LMAO!!!! :D

Madness to method

2006-01-21T06:08:00.000-08:00

So is there really a method to madness or madness to every method we adopt?
Are there situations you think you would have done without but on second thoughts realized otherwise?
Are there people you could have done away with but still could not do without?
Do we make choices because we like to or because we have no choice?
Do best things always come with tough choices?
And the not so right ones easy to make?

So do we just settle down for madness in method?

Cigarretes and Sex

2006-01-20T02:27:00.000-08:00

So which comes first? Cigarettes then sex or Sex then cigarettes?

Interesting combination? which comes first? would research on the average responses show a generalistic opinion that would be gender biased? ha- trust me, i said that cause i just got an inspiring topic to ponder on.(must thank my friend for bringing this topic up!)So i actually realized that its okay to prefer one over the other,even going by cigarettes 'over' sex.

Nope, am not doing a research on how far each one would substitute for the other.Cause in statistical studies ,if an event is mutually exclusive, would it be possible for both these independent events to 'also' occur together?or isnt it even possible to say one of these 'events' could complement to occurence of the other??

Do we really need to care?as a matter of fact we dont have to,but in such a rare study/ thought - its interesting to realize that concepts that seem so uncorrelated,can also function in a perfect correlation.

Outcome:Cigarettes and sex,sex and no cigarettes,cigarettes and no sex,cigarettes before sex or cigarettes after sex!--------------does actually matter!

'Un'-Unifying theme

2005-11-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

Wow-its been a while since i last visited this page, and as usual things have changed at such a sudden pace since my last blog here-wow thats good at least some things seem to 'change' if not the 'expected.'

As a matter of fact -now that i look back its more like 'deja vu' things that i also wanted to happen are 'actually happening!! OMG that IS scary-like i said ,perfection,symmetry-not my cuppa tea.yup! i mean life has to be asymetrical right? or are those just pre-conceived notions that were instilled in our 'innocent' minds so that when things went differently we would be less 'uncomfortable' with change and the unexpected?** If you need to-read this line again.

So i just read few books and to mention the worthwile few -'tipping point' and 'freakonomics'( Steven levit..& some other guy---forgot!),and coincidentally-they were very simillar, many themes,theories. Would you ever think of questions like 'why drug addicts still live with their moms?' or 'how names influence the life of future generation children?' --->and i thought i did too much of the thinking here!!

okay well moral of the story-which happens i happen to be 'living' in my life as we speak every moment is, we need to be skeptical of conventional wisdom, and like Dr Steven rightly puts, 'If morals represent an ideal world,then economics represent the actual world!'

More than anything-i espouse the most IMPORTANT theme in this book (freakonomics)- 'i dont have to have a unifying theme to write!!' and i will extend this- i dont have to have a unifying theme in my thoughts, in my desicions! maybe even in life- who said we have to have a 'unifying' theme to everything we do?? isnt that 'again' conventional wisdom?? :)

Gut feel

2005-10-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

A blanc mind is better than a mind that thinks sometimes,but to reach that state you may have to experience something different.Maybe things that are beyond your own comprehension.Its worse to 'want' to think and write and nothing really comes to your mind,not because you have nothing to write but because there are things that just dont seem sane and rational or explicable.Human dynamics-or rather psychoanalysis is probably the worst thing to get into-which i actually think i do less in some cases and too much in others.But then its a choice isnt it?Its upto you to set your limitations and choose your reactions.

The other day-i had a strong gut feel and reacted on it-it will change my life forever now. Am i being an experiment in my own thoughts/questions?

Of course-reactions are all outcomes of 'experiments' we run in our daily lives.Even the most mundane desicion and choice is an experiment-because we never have cent percent clarity.

Blink

2005-09-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Intuitive thinking-a book i read recently.Nice-interesting,final change from the mundane fictional reads.Especially since i needed like crazy.Well looks like it...:P

Anyway-My take aways- learn to train your mind to think with a 'blink' when you need to make those nasty confusing decisions.Ignore frugal matters and follow your gut feel.

Easy? not too tough,but makes a lot of sense,and its applicable to many circumstances-because the way i perceive it is ' your gut feel' is what you really want but maybe cant justify. But why do you need to 'justify' a gut feel in the first place, if that were the case the name itself would be anomalous-(word 'gut' )wont it?But then is your GUt feel always right? Does it matter?Shouldnt we just take the dare and make those decisions,if your gut feel isnt 'right' then you wont repeat those mistakes again.Simple-else you would mull over 'if' and 'if' nots.

So something called 'repulsive intuitive' thinking comes into the picture,dont ask me what that means.(read the book)Condition your mind to make those intuitive decisions.(ironical huh?)----->Intuition-gut feel-through practice .Okay now this sounds rather incongrous to me too.Doesnt matter-i am making sense to myself.

Caveat-'Impulsive thoughts are different from 'intuitive' thoughts.'

Unconvential WisDom?

2005-09-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

We need to sometimes do things that are not 'governed' by society or even our own 'individualistic limitations.' Simply put, i am slowly realizing that perhaps in doing things that would be a 'bone of contention' to others (could be ethical,moral, or against protocols -with reference to personal & professional lives) ,our lives suddenly lighten up cause of the 'newness' of the experience. We look back and smile at the unconventionalism that we can actually 'BECOME," and then look forward to the craving we need to fulfill-end result of which we are inspired to push ourselves harder.

Push yourselves harder?Good or bad? What is correct and what is wrong? Have you tried either to make that judgement? Is ‘correct’ the 'do's and 'Dont s' society mapped out and those self-ingrained thoughts you always mulled over and wished you went against? Have you dared to make that ‘incorrect’ choice and turned it to a learning experience?

My take-at the risk of sounding ‘taboo,’ we need to make those brow raising choices sometimes to mould ourselves to what entirely is really you.To live life to your fullest,and that means ethical or moral choices here. Why? Because in such expereinces you learn more about yourself and maybe you may realize that you arent even the person you think you are. Again,you need to be wise while you make those ‘incorrect’ choices (ironical huh?) .The answer lies in trick of your mind,tweak your mind in an unbiased manner and percieve the experience at a holistic level.The end result, favorable or not is still upto what you missed out in your life,correct? After all they all say that perception is reality ... ?

Such experiences open your mind to unfathomable levels, because you explore options you never knew you were capable of,think deep,crave to know more to be an expert ,and thats where we learn more, cause we need to make the right choices. We need to think deep. We need to learn* more (* its even more fun,trust me,cause there is now an 'end' to my purpose )Dont constrain your thoughts to 'academic aspects here.

Its bit complicated, the human psyche,because again-all these experiences are relative as to how one perceives them to be and acts on it.Its your choice at the end of the day isnt it? Its true that we become good people by doing what is conventionaly correct,but even more true that we become better individuals in many aspects when we make those ‘contentious’ choices/thoughts.

So does this mean that wisdom can be a totally ‘individual' experience and not a generalist perception,and that many ‘incorrect’ choices make you an even better person?

……………I know my answer.I wouldn’t be influencing yours.Like I said-its your choice.

2005-09-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

I am Definitley NOT supposed to be blogging now but working-but like i said (refer to previous post),things are still status quo.Actually maybe not-looks like my immune system is getting better of me!! hmpf. Or ...wait a minute maybe not, my psyche is probably getting the better of me-yeah and i even have the evidence now,in writing. :) ( * i dont even know what that smiley is doing there!.....)

OKay so i had some random thoughts-disconnected thoughts.I think i have finally reached the conclusion that human species that border on the 'imbecile/irritating lane' seem to topple over the larger base of population that are the minority! Its like the U.S hegemony (*hee hee now i need a smiley for this one..),well getting back to the topic...this 'irritating sect' of the population seem to lack that specific gene,or maybe they're just mutants! .....(am starting to sound like Robert Ludlum now,and i dont know if thats a compliment especially since i just read one of his books recently...he actually wrote a 500-600 page book that could have been done in 200 pages with a story line like that!) hmph

Anyway-i think i just freaked myself out-this blog has no purpose too, and am still writing/blogging,.....on second thoughts am not mean enough to commercialize it..

*or maybe am stupid not to! :(

Dont feel like it!

2005-08-31T14:34:00.000-07:00

I dont feel like writing, i dont feel like working,i dont feel like thinking,i dont feel like working out,i dont feel like reading,i dont feel like shopping,i dont feel like talking,i dont feel like pretending,i dont feel like dreaming,i dont feel like traveling,i dont feel like listening to the same song,i dont feel like reading the same page,dont feel like uttering the same words, dont feel like wearing the same clothes,dont feel like doing anything...................

end of part 1
Part 2 should be better

LeSsoNs OuT of ScHooL

2005-08-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

Lessons from work:

1) Believe in your ideas
2) Dont be sold onto by your manager
3) Stand firm incase your ship sinks-as long as you know you sailed the ship-with justice
4)Criticize Critize- or Ask -Why? How come (even though they dont make sense it gives the impression your thinking..errrr listening ;) )
5)Become an Anti-Thesis to mundane team/work activities ( cause it generates interest and fear that you may quit )
6) Bull Shit as long as the listener is a bigger fool
7) Your Managers have doubts too,they just sound sure somehow.....
8)Take "freedom' breaks and rejuvenate your system eventhough you've been in one too many.
9)Dont go by the rule book-you'll never make it to the top.By-passers reach faster*
10)Scream at your managers and colleagues once ina while (didnt they say 'you need to make noise to be heard??' )

Moral of the story-These are just 10 lessons compound it to 30 unique lessons p.m for as long as you work...........you can write a new rule book

Let go..

2005-08-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

Its difficult to let go, especially when you dont have the choice!what does that mean.Building relationships again from scratch? darnnnnit i cant do it again.Whats the choice though....hmmmm

well been a tough week-weird-to the least very interesting.I am pretty confused with myself,i think i've developed a multiple personality.I sometimes think i can do the weirdest thing and behave like it was second nature, then the next day i would like to believe that person wasnt me!So does this mean anything to be prescise?Do i need to be sure of what am doing and what i want all the time?

Thats unfair isnt it? Cause that would narrow my choices-but that doesnt mean i can dip my fingers into mud or all that glitter* for that matter (*glitter-cause 'all that glitters aint gold') and i seem to be learning that pretty late in my adult life.

well-i need a 2nd part to this unfolding personality and rhythm, for all you know i would go back and want to delete this post cause i would think this wasnt me....... *sigh*

Ash-BeRt!

2005-08-02T15:09:00.000-07:00

We need to be wise. Work place is designed to give you the answers you thought were right. The very next few months, you look at your self and feel like an imp for being sold onto!:(

A fool for being a believer in the system, a fool for living out what you thought was righteous and right. You believed in the 'heirarchy' of truth and credibility, not realizing it was the 'heirarchy of selfishness' am not mooting that,we need to be selfish in our careers, but we also need to remember that political diplomacy can be the best window dresser.

We make choices and change it out of 'that' fear. A fear that can only get uprooted by making those choices that go against you sometmes...rather most of the time? why? cause you believe in those choices soo much that you can take the whole system going against you.And then you proove yourself in your decision cause your heart and soul was almost sold out to it.

Darwin said it right 'survival of the fittest' only he forgot to mention that survival related to different enviroments,and the 'fittest' can survive the choices they make.And to be that-you need to separate your identity from your role.

Who said people with split personalities are abnormal?in fact i think they are the toughest .

WhY NoT?

2005-08-02T14:55:00.000-07:00

I cant write it
I cant speak it
I cant tell it
Can i smile over it
Should i wallow over it
Can i separate my identity
Shall i be brave and be fearless
Should i be inhuman and stop thinking
Should i stop the race and start running
Should i paint the pictures
or Should i write that book
My mind spells thousands
My heart spells another
So what? whats next...........

Okay if you just read this piece and are still trying to figure out what am saying-trust me ,you wont be able to ,cause its cryptic.(on purpose) these words dont neccessary convey anything but when i read them next time i'll rememember what i was thinking and trying to pen down.....

Nope-am not confused,theres just been too many choices to make and everything looks blank to a 'non cynic.'

Moral of the story-you are what you think and do.Subconscious becomes reality through seasoned thought.

HourGlass

2005-07-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

Its been a million years since the sun had struck its first ray(let me correct that..over a million years...),and also millions more before history was created on earth.I'm living that history now,...rather than the present.

Isnt that amazing? i can choose to live in the past or the future-yes of course the present as well.Dont ask me why i choose the past,but i need to answer that question as well.Could it be because some events have a profound impact on us and get us stuck in time for a while?Does this mean am loosing in the present and not making my future?...No,cause maybe if i dont look at my past i may miss out on certain moments that i lived more than once. :)

Then another random thought, does the rain always pour on days you need to run the most errands?and does the weather suddenly become so cold you'd have to skip your camping trip?Guess Murphy created himself an unprecedented future by creating his 'law' .....cause either he is right or we end up living it validating every 'unexplanatory' experience.

Sometimes time's just not enough.Havent you been a juggler sometimes ?juggling all those tasks you thought you would focus on in just one day?two days....?

Nope,changing the sand in your hourglass just doesnt help...........or does it?

Almost There

2005-06-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

I am listening to this awesome track by Brian Mcfaden called 'almost Here.' I feel like crying-it makes me feel so nostalgic. It screams so many things in my head. Its like a single song that tells you what life is all about and what it should be, not neccessarily in words but also in the melody,tune.......and its also raining outside and there was a breeze that cooled the rain drops even more.

Coincidentally,this whole year seems to have started on a different note- think i can add a caption of 'lessons with Nostalgia and what ifs.......' i was just wondering how single small instances can just turn our lives around. We wouldnt even be like the people we were.Its just like this track-'Almost here'...........maybe i would say it always seems like we're always 'almost there.' I learned this yesterday in literal terms (especially)-Life is always about trying to reach for more than you can grasp.I always seem to be stretching in my mind and not in practical senses!

So what would you do if you were in a crux and needed to choose,if you saw your parents ageing and your youth fading,if you saw the distance becoming farther with your loved and near ones,if you saw the sun shining brighter on the other side,but rains favoring the opposite end?If you wanted something so dearly and all you had to do is reach for it,but then realize both your arms couldnt embrace all those you wanted in your life?

Thats life- its always like your almost there.

Knock Knock

2005-05-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i woke up with a knock at my door.I asked who it was......

'God,' the answer came.
Stunned i ran to the door and opened it.
'What can i do for you Oh Lord?' i asked
God said 'Many people dont ask me that question.'
'So what do they ask?'I asked curious
God said 'They say,'God i have prayed for many things yet many remain unheard and unanswered.'

'Oh.'I exclaimed

After a brief silence i said 'Maybe i can be the first to reverse the trend,what do you want me to do..'
'Yes,' Maybe you can.' God said smiling.
I waited in Patience to hear what God,the omnipotent could possibly want.He had the power to change what he didnt like,blind those who neednt see...
'Well......?' i said

God said ' My dear one ,you answered your own question,thats all i wanted to hear the rest will come to you.'
I think i remmember a soft ray of light that day,it pierced through my window and escaped into another day.

Am running

2005-05-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

I am trying to run that extra mile everyday.Somehow when the appropriate time comes its like a feeling you would like to shelf the rest of your life.damn!Its like that flat clear road and trees on the side, you in those nike sneakers,your sexy Mp3 player playing the best pick that would help push you till that last mile,that sweat drenched sleeveless tee sticking to your body reminding you- 'i did sweat!' yup i did it. Then you suddenly stop ,get that huge gasp of oxygen back into your lungs and realize that you can actaully run little bit more.That way you tommorow you run that extra mile and discover a new route,a better view. Then another runner on the road.You smile and pass him then think 'where did he start?' then you think 'doesnt matter,i have crossed my 'self proclaimed limitations'and now i need to find more.'

Days,weeks,months,years pass by and you keep running but not on the same route,not the same number of miles and minutes.You run now for different purposes than the time at which you started.You train your mind to decide your limitations,you stop your body not because you cant run anymore but because you have ran enough to keep you going.You have ran enough to realize you can pass that person who started much before you through minute efforts compounded every single day.

Thats snapshot of my life- a treadmill i need to run everyday without fail-with that extra mile everyday

Angel

2005-05-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

I was living with an angel almost my whole life and never realised it-am glad i finally did.

Its not science

2005-05-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

Whats the greatest creater of wealth? is it sheer success or lack of fear and belief in the self?I would say the latter.Two intangibles that 'spell' your world and make the next step closer than te first.To be fearless you would have to believe in your self, and to believe in your self you would have to overcome the fear to be questioned. So its not mutually exclusive its not even a choice you have to make,its more of a commitment . A commitment that can lead to your self tuning,something that should become a habit within time.And once the habit is cultivated it shapes it-self into different paradigms and in future clear cut inscisions of ones personality and character.

Its not molecular science ,just that you may have to gaze into that magnifying glass and choose which molecule you ought to imitate.

Cookies & Slumber

2005-05-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

Then i saw the trees duck as the raging wind attacked, and the birds fly higher than the kite that i let go.The clouds opened their eyes and showered the terrains,as the cattle stopped grazing to run into their hay stacked dens.The valleys looked greener than the gem stones, and smoother than the mirage.The horizon garnishing the image with the myriad rays escaping the days toil.I could hear the baby cry then put to sleep,the children screaming in delight playing in the open free fields,and then my dad lighting up that fireplace.I also remember the smell of those freshly baked cookies that came from my mothers oven on that cold evening topped with that warm tea that ran down my throat.It was like magic that made me forget todays and tomorrows.

Then i remember the stars steering the clouds away, and the moon lighting up my nights.I would count sheep and imagine jumping over the stars.I dont remember what happened next...guess a fairy would sprinkle that magic powder and lead me to slumber.

Its not You but Me

2005-05-04T05:22:00.000-07:00

Its not the Darkness that worries me but the light,for i may fail to see its whole.
Its not the pain that worries me but the pleasure,for i may not realise its worth.
Its not failure that worries me but success,for i may cease to be a fighter.

Its not the uncertainity that worries me but the certainity,for i may cease to explore.
Its not black &white that worries me but the color,for i may not see the right hue.
Its not the blankness that worries me but the stripes,for i wouldnt know which to choose.

Its not the poverty that worries me but the money,for its the rich that caused the divide.
Its not injustice that worries me but the fairness,for i may not choose what is just.
Its not disbelieve that worries me but trust,for i may not know when to trust.

Its not my enemies that worry me but friends,for i may not know when to let go.
Its not death that worries me but life,for life leads me to death.
Its not sunset that worries me but the sunrise,for i may fail to catch every ray.

Its not ironies that worry me but the reality,for even reality is relative.
Its not the sadness that worries me but the joy,for i may forget my strength.
Its not age that worries me but my youth,for i may forget subtleties in life.

Its not you that worries me but i, for i choose to be who i am.

They do Happen

2005-04-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes miracles do actually happen,yes i have proof! it was like someone up there( God yes you!) were just waiting for you to let go at that crux of a moment,then bhooonm ........there you have it-something that you probably have been longing to happen does just that!-HAppeNs! Its a blissful feeling, like the re-affirmation of faith that some things that we do really wish for ,if were meant to happen , will do so at the right point of time. Theres nothing scientific about it,yup-lets please not qualify 'miracles' as some happening of xyz forces due to xyz reactions at xyz point of time! Cause thats why we call them 'miracles.' so save the thinkers of the 'whys' and the 'whens.'

Thats why- we say 'miracles do happen huh?'

Teaspoon of Humour

2005-04-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

Okay call me a plagiarist but this was too good to miss out!!

1)If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

2)The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

3)A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

4)A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

5)Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

6)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

7)The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

8)The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

9)Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

10)Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

11)The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

12)Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

13)Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

14)A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

15)An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

16)Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

17)Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

18)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Book smart Vs Street SMarts?

2005-04-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Nice article- and a must watch!-'The apprentice' definitely taught me that there's more to management than 'principled theorised thinking.'Have a look at the link and grab the quick bits below.

http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/departments/elearning/?article=booksmarts>1=6413

Take aways from this article:

-Street-smart people may not have gotten an A+ [in school], but they handle others in an A+ manner.( maybe not always ,but most certainly)

-Any victorious hiring in real life--will come as a result of someone illustrating an ability to not only lead with passion, but to convince others that he or she is right for the job. ( very very true... but then how do you convince them? either u ought to be a natural intellect or a programmed one right?)

-Creating and sustaining a strong corporate persona is more important than anything else you can do on the job.( nice- we ( well i for sure...) are always fixated on climbing up that oh so 'utopian' heirarchy!)

-Leadership and management are not the same thing.( nice to know-cause i can try fit in either one...:) )

-Some people with impressive educational credentials take an excessive pride in their own intellects, and this can sometimes hinder their brainstorming abilities,street-smarts have an the edge because, they stop to ask questions to figure out what they don't know. ( sad but mostly true-education forgot to teach most of us that ' with it comes mental blocks,moslty in terms of ego')

-The closer you get to your formal training, the less you think you need to explore alternate solutions.( yes -again mental blocks)

-Having the foundation of education is good. It helps with traits that you need for leadership--agility, and being able to self promote without selling your soul. ( damn that was excellent- 'self promote' i need to do that every single day!)

-Both are important,also- book smarts ought to get practical street experience, and street smarts ought to take a class. It shouldn't be black or white. It should be a kaleidoscope of options.

-Will real-life boardroom will be unattainable without an academic decree?

( depends on the recruiter, is he/she book smart or street smart?)

2 Cups of Tea

2005-04-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

So i had 2 huge cups of tea in the span of an hour.invigorating must say.Then almost at the fag end of my day i end up with this client who has a whole lot of issues and am trying to convert it into some sale. Then in between i land up on some random blog page and see this beautiful picture ,and stumble on some same thoughts i thought belonged to Meeee! well am not complaining, at this juncture am glad i share the same sentiments with the rest of the 'bloggers' out there.

Then of course some nit wits of the world who cross my path with the same mundane cliched comments i wish i could tell them to stuff in their mouths.*sigh* life would have been easier if i outsourced my 'verbal thoughts' or 'truths' to my fellow human beings. yeah yeah i am blabbering.....so what? its my space and i just love it more everyday.:)

Damn

Contours

2005-04-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

Its how you define everything . Not just the geography but the contours of everyday living.I must admit, this is new wisdom. Everything is out there, here we just need to hear it at the right time!(read deeper, 'the right time' is very important)Everyone would have different perspectives on every minute thing. I have to be wise to choose my 'definition' and the directions in my map.Yesterday it made little sense but today it makes more sense. If its your life and you don't like it ' its how you define it' if its your work and others complain about it, 'its how you define it.' isn't that nice? Sounds so simple doesn't it? Like my sweetheart out there says ' think about things that are within your circle of influence and leave the rest to fate.' Read between the lines, makes lots of sense.

Everything is more than skin deep, but we choose the lengths to which we decide to dive into.Its like an ocean. We can swim across ,around or to the center. we can even swim deeper or float in the same spot. The choice is within our circle of influence,the way we swim and decide to enjoy every minute of it, no matter how shallow the spot is, depends on how we 'define' the experience.On the contrary, the waves are not within my circle of influence,i will leave it to fate and the law of nature. There isnt any point fighting against it, let alone worrying what nature has in store for me. It could be a ripple or a giant killer whale for all you know! But who cares-thats Fate, let it be :)So let me define my life,work and world now. It suddenly seems like something within my control !

Finally :)

Trials?

2005-04-16T04:35:00.000-07:00

A bright and sunny day, and the touts were yelling in different languages,selling different product lines( hey i cant think of any other apt word...besides i did do my mba!!).Then the my neighbor strolls to his petite balcony,overburdened with pots that seem to
scream ...'oxygen!' (even the plants seem to have passed that stage). Then playing to his routine
he screams for his coffee and settles on a young tea pot,and i was thinking...damn am glad thats not me!

Then i hear the whistle of my kettle,and i drift inside,the curtains were drawn loose and were floating in the slight breeze, the rays of the 7am sunshine filtered through.It looked magical,guess thats why they say mornings are the first miracles of the day...( sam just interupted my train of thought...go away sam.....!) then i hear the screech of my dilapidated door...darn...am in no mood to entertain anyone now...so i run outside...the last person i want to see...my oh so glorified mr neighbor ( i cant seem to find a name for him...maybe later..).

So i try be courteous and invite him in,for a cup of coffee,sadly he has the audacity to accept the offer, and he sits on my favorite bean bag,stretches his lazy arms and screens the morning paper,groan.... another hour of political mongering.Then he intrudes in my private life,my space. I think at this point of time my hand was hotter than the cup of tea i held.

So i decide....how about i just throw him out of my balcony?or be a julia roberts and put on my best act.Or shud i just say...'freeze mister,invasion of privacy and solitude is also an offence!'
but i cant seem to do either...suddenly my mroning seems like dusk, and am ready to retire.

Then suddenly, mr .... says,' so what do you think?' then i dont remmember but i think i blurted out the loudest thing i ever said so far.

I think It went like this...i said..' i think your the most pompous,self conceited ,irritating,blood sucking(should have said 'time draining..') parasite i have ever met,why dont u go rest your a** on your tea pot...no spare the darn tea pot too,confine your thoughts into that empty sorry head of urs?'

he was as white as snow, for a moment i was wondering whether he needed sympathy ,but realised not,then suddenly my bean bag squeeks,and bursts,and mr...dashes out .I stand like a soldier grinning.

so shall i wear my uniform tomorrow? no i dont need to..............

Boy am i bored

2005-04-16T04:34:00.000-07:00

okay, this is reaching nowhere, am at work...and bored to death. does that spell danger? i sure hope not. guess i'll console myself and blame the 'extrinsic' factors to it. funny, i literaly have the world at my fingertips..( the net..) and yet am lost.thnk God this is like my launchpad or rather my landing pot of complaints!

i went home last night and thought i entered the wrong apartment, my curtains were different and so was my furniture. dang..can i have my old stuff back?my landlord just changed the whole thing and now i need to go out to realize daylight exists!and now i get to see the paint unpeeling from different parts of the walls now that the curtains are different in lenght! could this get worse? yeah maybe i will let u know tomorrow.

are there any more additions to my day? cant think of any, except for maybe few new words i came across like 'mezzanine' and others that i can harldy spell...well thats a consolation! something new. ( even newer...i am justifying my lowest potentials) (!)...now ask me if i rememeber the meaning..yikes.

i think i need a sabbatical, little bit of cash,the smell of fresh coffee and cookies to fill my coming days. i could probably waft through the spreadsheets of the earth and fill in the missing formulas.isnt it unfair that life is like an equation? am sure if i were a genius at math i would sit in the corner of my room and figure out the solution to the mysteries and possibilities of life. i could toss around the fate of mankind in the future too.

guess that wont happen in the near century, so i will wait for the next magician to wave his magic wand and tell me where next to go..or rather i will take the wand and wish it away so i can live through this never ending equation of life.

Faces

2005-04-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

Misty, the mountains
Heavy the Rain
Behold the new shade

Beaten the path
Doubtful the mind
Reminded the luxury of thought

Wafting,autumn leaves
Piercing,the Spring rays
Seeping , the dew drops

Infinite the mystery
Square the circle
Changing the masquerade

Cheese!

2005-04-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, its friday- and nope am not really excited. Its been a crazy week.Dont even ask me why.Well good and weird, i realise that my ex roomie blogs beautifully and my cousin bro as well! who has been in touch with her too. isnt it a small weird wonderful world? I am stuffed ,i have KFC burgers and chicken in my stomach and i guess its using up all my energy to digest! ughhh.....i need some nice coffee.I am done with the ways of the world-(okay tangential at this point with ref to KFC :) )But its like liberation, cuss cuss cuss and still smile. grin . Okay thats a bit too strong a word maybe i should put it as 'speak the truth and say cheese!'

Small Luxuries mean BiG

2005-04-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

Another day at work- another day with the mundane routine.Another day that you keep promising your self 'i will be inspired' 'i will make this work' 'i can get there' its like some viscious cycle isnt it? i guess this means ' its in you or it just isnt' -but thats rather discouraging isnt it.Cause everyone has a fight it just depends on what artillery and armour you choose.How do we choose though? the answer is -you can but we just dont do we? thats the translation of life- its a spontaneous stage with unprecedented actors and warriors.Either we act or or choose to be the spectator. either way we make a choice and live by it.

well look at the brighter side -we get to choose dont we?What if i was denied that luxury........alas no freedom?

Window Panes

2005-04-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

OKay-lets say i learn 'some' things pretty late,rather 'realize' things bit too slowly.I am referring to judging others and being the best possible cynic.yesterday i tried to see the world through a cynic/pessimists eyes. Boy was it so different.I realize there are so many reactions that i could come up with.its just crazy. but now it somehow makes more sense-Reactions lead you to where you are today!DAMN.Isnt that scary?It is-cause i rationalize with every thing and add sense to the madness.Where does that leave you and i?

A cynic would say- The circle is not perfectly round.
Pessimist: It doesnt even look like a circle!
I would say: Its a perfect circle. (shud i *sigh?* here...)

Results: The Cynic would be asked to proove his/her point, and no matter what the outcome of the 'circle' is ,he/she would have prooved his skill sets/lack of fear/proactivity-gist of it:The Individual would have made a point.

The Pessimist: this is tricky-he would draw a circle or make someone else draw it and make others say 'yeah, maybe this looks better'-boom!: result-be a pessimist and go far in life.( refer to ironies of life,paragraph *** Verse :Ashas' reiterations)

The likes of Me:am speechless-i dont even know,i didnt create dissent.I am happy with what i see.So what,i still see the circle as round enough!Arrrrrrrgh. I cant even look at the positive side of things?

Yup so thats what it looks like,the sight through the window pane,we see it as cloudy,bright,stormy,windy.Depending on which you grab your raincoat,summer cap or parka.

And its all through the same damn window pane.So What should i wear?

Buck Doesn’t Stop Here-Yet!

2005-03-31T11:58:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm....I am starting to realize that Dilbert, the animated ‘corporate ‘ rhetoric: is the cereal that fuels (?) our mornings when we step into that cubby hole that we dread. Mr ‘pointy’ haired boss may not typify your existing scenario but you know what? Look deep and bingo- its all about …That!

Okay-did I say fuels our mornings? To substantiate -yes,cause that way ,you’re in touch with reality, which is:‘reality’ is actually a façade, the reality that everyone tries hard to save their faces, the reality that team work actually means ‘ if you don’t get your job done its as good as : ‘my ass getting fired!’

And that’s where the buck stops or does it?

So whats in it for me, whats in it for you? Good question- my answer- do you have an alternative? Do you need the money? if no to the first and yes to the latter, then too bad, if vice versa- then good for you! Quit complaining and spreading the misery-leave us alone. Lets just be the Dilberts that will evangilize corporate ‘embezzlement’ of our own reality shows. Oh,am not complaining- who wouldn’t want to humour themselves with Mr ‘pointy haired boss’ and his fantastic coworkers?

You bet :(

So lesson to the uninitiated- Its not what you think
Lesson to the Initiated – Its Still not what you think
Lesson to the molten rock- Buck doesn’t stop here………Yet!

Comment suis-j'arrivé ?

2005-03-29T14:11:00.000-08:00

Its French- or should i say-'slap me am not french!' yeah dont ask me where it all started. Seems like i have some time for lateral thinking, if not too much already.Its called 'rhetoric' and this piece will be something like along those llines.So hint-dont expect directions or an answer.

When i say 'rhetoric' am reminded of Dilbert and his co-workers-catberg the HR? His pointy haired manager,and the dear mr Indian( cause i forgot the name...excusez moi)It s hilarious i must say,we probably need to make it our next 'forte!'

Okay i dont intend to make this sound like some discourse,but i am trying to grapple on what i need to write now.:)Thank god i dont have deadlines for this one too!Cause if my whole life were to turn out to be a sales cycle( with ref to work)then i think my graph would have to be drawn in some 'prototype' diagram that accomodated-flat lines,confused lines,change in descision lines...e tc

yep, and now i need to run-ill think about completing this.ummmmm rhetoric? :)

2005-03-21T14:14:00.000-08:00

Looking back?

Amen

2005-03-14T11:47:00.000-08:00

finally i have a roof over my head, one that need not be mine but then again mine(?)so saturday i packed and unpacked.and ran off to dinner with santosh( my brother) and drowned my hunger pangs in pasta(courtesy sujit). so again i meet new people, and again we speak on the same maybe different topics, again i set the rapport not knowing when i have to start again. its like a viscious cycle,dont you agree?

so do i have my space? can i take the dare and say no? eek. but why? but then it doesnt matter anymore, well to an extent and to a different angle. dont ask me why but its too complicated. its just got to do with TIME, and its not constant well not at my end for sure(!). i think the only thing constant right now would be my muesli and skimmed milk, and the temporary binges with cold coffee. everything else seems to exist to evolve. Good. no complaints. cause i am too, and wohoooo trust me am learning small things that spell big meanings.

* greek would have been better than english
* the french eat more and still be happier and healthier
* fridays are always welcome but not everywhere
* we use italics to differentiate things and others bold it out
* more salaries means more deductions
* dont ask me what the first statement is about
*If you think am confused-read between the lines (and let me know if u interpret anything different (alas!)

i think that should do for now, cause am caught in the contorted true lie that what lies beneath is better left where it lies.........down under

Part 1

Yackety Yack

2005-02-25T13:12:00.000-08:00

Am gonna go yackety yack today for a change, cause you know what? i freaking wrote my longest blog ever 2 days back and then was trying to edit the page, and hadnt published it! so i lost the whole thing.!!*sigh* really..... i was oh so so mad, i packed my bags and scooted home. yup. and you know what frankly am NOT over it, cause i liked what i wrote..okay okay,am not presumptous, i rarely give myself the credit for the things i do. maybe i should start. i was watching 'Ally mcbeal' ( for the hundreth time, after my pepertual house hunt...) ,i just love it, love the thoughts, the careers, the sharp tongues,the lateral thinking, and the weird attitude. lol its funny.

anyway let me see, havent had much of an eventful day except for the pizza i must say. (that does make my day always...*please note*),and now am in the process of thinking what to blog,wow, the fact that am undergoing 'writers block' maybe means am an amateur 'shakespeare' in the becoming? yeah frankly shakespeare,van gogh...if they werent there would we have no art and literature? i always wondered how weird van gogh could get to cut of a piece of his ear? did he have an end in mind? am sure he justified it in his 'artful normalcy.' But i do always picture that picturesque sunflower field with endless color and sky. that must have been a sight. Maybe Van gogh was overcome with too much beauty he couldnt justify it. anyway why am i bothered? Besides Mike Tyson trod almost the same path,only this time he thought Ivanders' charm outpouring and acted on his reflexes. damn arent humans just becoming weird? okay...another bone of contention.(snigger) So lets blame it, blame it on history ( wide smile). see thats the beauty of writing and thinking, i can think in the right / wrong and leave it for you to 'imbue.' Well thats what i do, read books and sometimes think, 'damn, he/she is right?' or rather i dont even go that far, i just devour the literature and forget cynicism is actually healthy. ( *hmph!* yeah yeah i cant always do it, but am getting there....)

I am actually justifying my heading here.I need to make some resolutions this weekend, on what? am still thinking. hmmm do i really need to? okay am going to go back up here and change my topic to 'confused fooseball' cause right now my words personify the former and my hair the latter!

sign of asha sign of!

Promenade

2005-01-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

Change they say is the rule of nature,but what kind of change?slow transitions?Random?repulsive?schocking?un explanatory.................?i could probably just go on and on. Its Jan 2005,and things have just taken a u turn( is there something more contrary than a 'u turn?' if there is let me know i can always come back and edit this page. life has scattered into a million pieces,and am trying to pick them up,cant seem to find the missing ones, and once i do, then what? does it solve any puzzle? will the pieces show me a sign?

There has been good ,and bad...maybe bad would not be appropriate...see i am still finding the answers otherwise i would have said 'different' ....but then i think all happens for a reason.then there are thousand words flying by,zillion thoughts...

On the contrary, i am content cause i know its Gods wish, and without his knowledge none of whatever hapened would have happened,so if it did,there is a reason. like they say,patience is the success to anything you want in life,not just ephemeral,but the patience to endure discomfort,pain,anxiety until you achieve your ends. My life ,your life should not be one where you and i wait 'patiently' for fate to take turn,rather patiently perservere and sacrifice.

Everything in life should be through free will,,miracles can happen only if 'you,i' become 'the miracle.' Life is about pain eventually, and if we need to be happy we need to overcome the pain, we have to let go and not forget the past but adapt to the history. There should have been no word like 'perfection' in the dictionary,cause then we could stop striving for it and concentrate on our current boons.i dont strive for perfection but strength,physical and mental, cause i know every journey will be an obstacle raise,with 5 other people striving to beat you to it.

How do i attain sublime strength?is it only through experience in pain? but then why should there pain to proove ones strength? wont there be more to come...?am not complaning at all, in fact i have everything in this world i ever dreamt off. which scares me more, cause every disagreement is justified,every pain is justified.

like i said and say it again,life is a million equations, not meant to be solved,cause then we would have answers to the past,present and future and we would have nothing to look back at and forward to as well.

its all about the moment isnt it? if you dont feel it then you loose it forever.

Pen down!

2004-12-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so the pen, no...rather the fingers finally hit the keypad, and i finally start pounding on them. but who knows for how long? Dont tell me that this too shall pass? yeah never know just few days back i wrote to a person i loved dearly that life is full of ironies, and everything now seems ephemeral to me. So i sat back and thought that i would just like to once hold on to the moment and not let it pass by.

Its like magic when i think, the mind is the instrument that creates the musical notes in our lives, it could be a soothing note, a delirious note, or even a morbid one.But then the choices are too many, and we moslty end up following a totally different tune,not our own.....but that created by someone else!

Then one fine day i wake up and realize that my music could have lasted longer, could have insipired me further, could have perpetuated my fate or destiny!alas, why is it that we realize things a bit late, when its a gargantuan task to reverse the things done? do i have the zest to go forward and fight an open battle? fight on plains my feet have not dared to touch, on hills that man has gone no forward than a mere thought?

Okay, if i had one wish in this lifetime what would it be? have u thought of it? I have ....but i think i want to many things. Cause my thoery of life today rests on the biology of thought : interdependance. Solitary bliss? no.... again like i said...ephemeral...and again i say..' that too will pass'

so what is it that lasts forever? can i build something that screams...hey look here, i walked this earth, i also did so much! can you see................?

Asha